How to Photograph a Puppy

  • Remove film from box and load camera.
  • Remove film box from puppy's mouth and throw in trash.
  • Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle.
  • Choose suitable background for photo.
  • Mount camera on tripod and focus.
  • Find puppy and take dirty sock out of the mouth.
  • Place puppy in prefocused spot and return to camera.
  • Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees.
  • Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with the other hand.
  • Get tissue and clean nose print from lens.
  • Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy's nose.
  • Put magazines back on coffee table.
  • Try to get puppy's attention by squeaking toy over your head.
  • Replace your glasses and check camera for damage.
  • Jump up in time to grab puppy by the scruff of the neck and say "No..outside!"
  • Call someone to help clean up the mess.
  • Sit back in chair for deep breathing and resolve to teach puppy "sit" and "stay" first thing next morning.